My Horse Prince – A Delightfully Strange App

by | Dec 27, 2016 | Game Reviews, Uncategorized

My Horse Prince
Released: December 17, 2016
Publisher: USAYA Co., Ltd.
Developer: USAYA Co., Ltd.
MSRP: Download is free: however there are In-App Purchases ranging from $0.99 to $1.99 (all discretionary, of course. I do not see where in-app purchases are necessary, but a lack of optional purchases has an impact on the swiftness of storyline completion.)

Android 4.0 & up
iOS 7.0 or later. Compatible with iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch.
Storage: I believe this one is under 150 MB.

In this classic girl-meets-horse dating simulator, the player is whisked away into the life of a lonely young woman, on a quest for love and a sense of what we all want – to belong, to be needed.

Her journey begins – a search for a ‘hot guy’. Take a second and ponder what attractiveness is to you, what it means. Is it a set of physical definitions that must first be met? Or is it a series of personality traits that are exposed over time? Would it happen to be a series of both having been expressed?

No matter. I suppose any guy will do for this desperate young lady. At least she knows what she wants, and this wistful young woman has got to get her desires fulfilled in any way she can. (A woman has needs, what can I say?) You can almost hear that biological clock a-tickin’. Tickin’ with all the speed of a rapidly approaching train wreck! Time is of the essence!

Instead of our nearest watering hole, our little trainwreck has wandered onto the nearest horse ranch in her search for hot guys. My junk email folder never told me about farms, but apparently there are plenty of hot singles in my area and they are all dying to meet ME. Perhaps they have mistaken my IP location for the graveyard across the street, where a Pokestop and shop looms. Traffic has increased there greatly since the addition of said Pokebattle arena or whatever it is. I never installed the program so exactly what it is, I’m not sure. I just know this horse cooks for you, too. He can even use chopsticks.

Equus? Equus.

This one even has eyes.  Eye protection.  The self-awareness of this is great.  So ‘hot.’  Not.  A horse body with a human face.
Our heroine(?) has at least met one priority??

I hope for her sake he isn’t built like standard horses. Oh, how strange this girl-with-horse that has a human face dating simulator really is.
I know I’ve probably stayed with this past a point at which I should have stopped, but I intend to keep going just to see what happens.

SUCH TALENT!! Rock on, mighty steed.

You’re reading this review. You’re weird, too. This app is delightfully self-aware of how strange it is, and that’s part of the reason why I nominate this minimally participatory VN for GOTY2016.

I appreciate how in-app purchases are not necessary to complete the storyline. In a timely fashion, perhaps it is. The game is available free of charge, and should you intend on making in-app purchases, you can choose everything from various treats for your horse to not having to view ads.

But viewing ads grants more time to talk to your horse sweetheart. And equine spirits forbid you should flub a response and get a sad face from your prince(?). You can always watch an ad to turn back the clock and respond a second time.

Yes, you can turn back time. They have found a way. They can take back all those words that…(you know.)

Unlike real life, you can find comfort in the ability to not experience blurting out that social gaffe and try again. All is forgiven, unlike the other day when I was at the game store. Or at the supermarket. Or visiting my friends. Or. Or..

Race on, My Horse Prince, race ever on.
I enjoy the intermittent commitment of tiny parts of the day to complete the app’s minor tasks that gradually forward the storyline. I applaud the writers and programmers for keeping it strange and quirky, the entertaining ridiculousness of it all has helped to lighten my spirits during this holiday season.

I took so many screenshots during this game.

I found it difficult to choose.

10/10 tinseled tentacles writhe menacingly, aimless and intoxicated with Holiday Cheer.

I hereby appoint this little app a GOTY 2016 contender.

Stay tuned for my next installment;

In which the player assumes the role of a Kaiju!